Open letter to Gerry Butler II

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Dear Gerry

Twenty-five years almost to the day since your mythic departure from Scotland. Twenty-five years since we parted company and my life was turned on its head in ways even you could not possibly imagine. You helped make me the person I am today, so for that you have my heartfelt gratitude.

Thing is, I really need your help. Over the past seven years, I have written a memoir that is nearly ready to publish. It’s one of those stories that has to be told and you are the inciting incident. As with any inspirational memoir, others will benefit from it, only I don’t have the resources to iron out some of the legal issues.

I am so sorry to go public with this but my circumstances dictate that I have to. In the spirit of self-healing, please will you at least read it? I have just published the first two chapters on my website at mkmacinnes.com. For what it”s worth, there’s also a trailer.

Yours in good faith
Morgan

Chocolat

CHOCOLATE is made up of over 200 individual chemical compounds. Some of them are pleasant-tasting, while some of them literally taste like shit. Combined, they make chocolate, well, taste lke chocolate. Needless to say, by the time it becomes a finished product, the compostion changes and a few other things are added or removed, but let’s forget about that part, or my analogy will fall down!

If you were to fiddle with the recipe of your favorite chocolate product on the basis that individually some of the compounds were real nasty, there’s every chance you would think it wasn’t chocolate any more.

Yet submitting the human personality to this cherry-picking exercise from birth is considered normal, indeed necessary for the functioning of society, with the result that we are no longer as unique or whole as we potentially were when we came into the world. We all have some experience of how this sad state of affairs pans out. For many, it creates a feeling of worthlessness, as they spend a lifetime measuring themselves against everybody else.

Psychosynthesis, or individuation, is a process whereby we can reclaim those aspects of ourselves that have been suppressed or lost. Each path is unique, there is no one size fits all. The journey is long and arduous but rewarding.

You may already be undertaking such a journey. Or maybe not. Either way, next time you turn to a rich, sticky, yummy chocolate dessert to make yourself feel better, with every bite you take, repeat the words “I AM the chocolate!” ( though maybe not with your mouth full 😆).

Open letter to Gerry Butler

Featured

Dear Gerry

Twenty-five years almost to the day since your mythic departure from Scotland. Twenty-five years since we parted company and my life was turned on its head in ways even you could not possibly imagine. You helped make me the person I am today, so for that you have my heartfelt gratitude.

Thing is, I really need your help. Over the past seven years, I have written a memoir that is nearly ready to publish. It’s one of those stories that has to be told and you are the inciting incident. As with any inspirational memoir, others will benefit from it, only I don’t have the resources to iron out some of the legal issues.

I am so sorry to go public with this but my circumstances dictate that I have to. In the spirit of self-healing, please will you at least read it? I have just published the first two chapters on my website here. For what it”s worth, there’s also a trailer here.

Yours in good faith
Morgan

THE LOST SECRET (first two chapters)

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For reasons that I won’t go into here, I have decided to scrap any attempt to sell my ‘mini-book’ on Amazon. Why it’s only two chapters and only on Kindle needs too much explanation. Instead, it is available here via the link below. This may be temporary, it may be permanent, I don’t know. We’ll see where this goes.

You can read the first two chapters here.

Although this offering is free, donations are gratefully accepted.

The Quandary

I am by no means an expert in anything but when it comes to being me I am a fucking pro

I’ve sweated these past few days about how to write this post. I had intended to attempt to justify the course of action I am about to take, before then realising that I didn’t have to explain myself at all. Firstly, the circumstances that led me to this juncture are too complex to pack into a single post – secondly, I’ve over-explained myself already – and thirdly, too many spoilers! No amount of explanation can adequately convey what is the most finely sprung state of affairs you can possbly imagine (think tight-ropes, nooses and crocodile clips).

I have no doubt that many will look at my actions and think “What the ****?” Suffice to say that I have agonised long and hard over this and, given the specifics of my circumstances, it is the most appropriate action I can take.

It is what it is. Stay tuned …

M K MacInnes
5 October 2020

Brothers in Arms

templar

TO THE strains of Dire Straits, I am surrounded by battle in its last throes, a sea of mud everywhere. These fields of destruction, baptisms of fire, I’ve witnessed your suffering, every man has to die …

But not just yet. A trapped horseman is pulled from between his fallen mount and the mire. Am I the one being pulled or the one doing the pulling? I can’t tell which of us is which.

I do not know where I am or who I am other than that I am a man. And I know not how I know but the other man is Rab …

* * * * *

BOTH RAB and I fluttered in the same social circle. For me anyway, the sense of having met before was instantaneous.

It was while walking along a busy street only days after our introduction that I was hit with the cinematic picture of horses flopping about in the mud and an intense feeling of loyalty, brother to brother. I had never had a ‘vision’ with audio before.

Somewhere between a week and two weeks later, I meandered through Leith Links, on my way to the house of the mutual friend who had introduced us. Having never taken that particular route before, I scanned the open green and surrounding buildings. As I did so, got a strong impression of mud where there should have been grass.

The answer to my immediate question came quickly and without the asking. It was my friend who told me that here in the middle of the 16th century, the French had occupied Leith, until they were forcibly removed by the English army in 1560. Like most Scots, I had never heard of the Battle of Leith Links, or rather the Siege of Leith.

A short time later, Rab and I found ourselves blethering – as we were prone to do – like there was no tomorrow. Only this time our conversation took a more spooky turn than usual. Ghosts, dreams, you name it. The situation was ripe for bringing my battle vision into the conversation.

Thing is, Rab beat me to it …

“I’ve been having this recurring dream,” he said. “Well, actually, it’s more like a vision coz I only get it when I’m awake during the day.”

I know what he is going to say. Baited breath.

“I’m in a battle and I’m being pulled out from under a horse.”

I felt my face turn to rubber. It must have blanched, for he said “Not you as well.”

Up to that point, I had told no-one.

I choked “Was it a muddy battlefield?”

“Yes,” came the whisper.

Copyright (c) M K MacInnes

The Lost Secret – extract

WHEN I published my first short story collection, Close Call: Short and Bittersweet, five years ago, I dedicated it to ‘the two Gerries, without the shadow of whose memory this my first book would never have seen the light of day’. My brother asked me who the other Gerry was and I told him it was a veiled reference to our late mother’s schizophrenia (she was a Gerry too). Well, that was only partly true. My choice of words was designed to be ambiguous. So in effect, I lied … the other Gerry was Gerry Butler.

Learn more here.

The Lost Secret Revealed

COMING TO AMAZON
15 JULY 2020

PRE-ORDER NOW

ALL HER life Morgan has wanted to be a writer. Now in the wake of a failed marriage, her dreams are a thing of the past. When the chance recollection of a long forgotten memory and the daddy of all ghosts throws Morgan down a rabbit-hole the size of NORAAD, the only way out is to dig deeper.

The secret Morgan once had to guard at all costs and must do so again has a life – and a magic – all of its own. How did she forget something of such magnitude? When? And why?

Navigating the challenges of everyday life while ploughing through layers of unleashed memory and mind-altering synchronicities without the aid of a therapist is enough to drive her nearly insane. But then the grim task of investigating her own past takes Morgan into a realm of self-realisation that could only have been pre-destined, with a combination so elaborate, it could only have been fashioned by a Master Locksmith.

Now Morgan is sitting on the story of the century, aiming for the greatest Prize of all. But in order to reach it, she must find the one whose memory she protects and the very source of her darkest fear …

VIEWED as a case study in archetypal psychology, this brave and frank memoir explores the role of consciousness in shaping our destinies, backing up Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell’s insights into the very essence of the human and universal psyche. As a piece of storytelling alone, THE LOST SECRET is a spectacular modern day reworking of Ishtar’s mythic Descent into the Underworld …

Important note
This release consists of two chapters of an as yet to be published fuller work. 

Coming to Amazon 16 July 2020

The long wait is nearly over …

lost secret graphic newsletter

VIEWED as a case study in archetypal psychology, this brave and frank memoir explores the role of consciousness in shaping our destinies, backing up Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell’s insights into the very essence of the human and universal psyche. As a piece of storytelling alone, THE LOST SECRET is a spectacular modern day reworking of Ishtar’s mythic Descent into the Underworld …

Copyright (c) M K MacInnes 2020

Click here for more info.

Me and my Shadow

ONE OF the most challenging foes the archetypal Hero will ever have to face in his/her journey is the Shadow, the ‘dark’ or hidden side of the personality. Stored in the subconscious, it is instinctive and irrational and it is this aspect of ourselves that is at play when we snap or pass judgement. What we reject about ourselves, we project, usually as a moral deficiency in others. The Shadow is not necessarily dark but a spectrum of negative and sometimes positive aspects. It is largely negative because we tend to reject the least socially desirable aspects of our personality. People with low self-exteerm/anxiety typically repress positive attributes, the most obvious being self-love; for a psychopath, the embodiment of their Shadow is what a non-psychopath would perceive as the Light. The Shadow begins to form when as children we try to ft in by repressing aspects of ourselves that either we don’t like or our peers/family don’t like. These can be behaviours, emotions, thoughts, differences, and even memories. As we progress through the educational system, the conscious ego develops beliefs about its place in the world in order to further protect it from rejection by others. Since standards are set from birth that are impossible to live by, it is inevitable that we all form a shadow. The unconscious mind (which includes the subconscious) communicates with our conscious mind through symbols in dreams and visions (among other channels), in a relentless attempt to bring the subconscious back into consciousness. The outward appearance of the symbols used is determined by cultural factors, so in a Christian culture, for instance, the Shadow may manifest as the Devil. Coming into contact with the Shadow may stir up feelings of shame, which is especially typical of sexual matters. Because full sexual expression is repressed by most societies, sexual repression is a more or less universal component of the Shadow. Each Shadow is unique and the more repressed it is, the more power it has over the individual. Compare a philanthropic gangster with a priest who secretly preys on children – the priest has the denser shadow. Conversely, accepting one’s dark side minimises its chances of expressing itself. Recognising one’s dark aspects is the first prerequisite to self-knowledge and a major component of psychosynthesis. It takes considerable mental and moral effort on the part of the ego. Acknowledgement and acceptance of the shadow is a lifelong process of descent, ascent and assimilation. If the process is interrupted, one may have to start over, though not at the very beginning, the subsequent attempt more accelerated than the last. A lifelong game of snakes and ladders! Integration requires vigilance to ensure that we do not over-identify with the ‘dark side’, as the shadow can integrate the conscious instead of the other way around. Susceptibility to such self-sabotage arises during times of stress, shock, confusion or over-thinking. Philosophical and religious traditions have told us for millennia to be ‘better’ human beings but not how to get there. The roadmap is steeped in mystery and jargon under the pretext that the average human being is incapable of such an undertaking. Which to an extent is true but largely because the information is so closely guarded in the first place, a shadow in itself. Personally I believe that even the most dysfunctional human being can be regarded as ready, as long as they have access to the right tools at the right time. Creativity and criminality are both indicators, the latter being a form of the former, and it is a well known fact that the bipolar nature of shadow work drives the creative process (the constant tension between opposites acts rather like a pump). Depression in one who may not even know of individuation is another clue that shadow work is at least in its early stages. Considering that depression and anxiety have reached epidemic proportions (I can only speak for the UK), it is a no brainer that a high percentage of the population has been on the cusp for some time. When the spiritual industry does articulate some form of methodology, most teach that the ego has to be overcome or transcended. This in itself is an act of dissociation, which only feeds the Shadow, so I agree with Carl Jung’s assertion that the conscious and unconscious must fuse for wholeness to occur. Indeed, I find the transcendental route to enlightenment, particularly through use of drugs, can do more harm than good. The Shadow has to be dealt with head on before enlightenment can truly begin. This is why it’s vitally important that we build on the momentum of the Black Lives Matter movement. in order to achieve a more enlightened state of relationship with ourselves and our planet, exposing that which is hidden in our collective pasts is a painful but necessary milestone in the healing process.

Copyright (c) M K MacInnes 2020